# (2023-01-22) {Vilas Youtube} In prison not knowing how to escape | Superb talk On Everyone is a Prisoner, Faimily & Lay life, and being a Monk Tags:: #prison, #family, [[Gahapati|Lay Life]], #dhamma/best, #Naveen > [!info] Video: In prison not knowing how to escape ([Youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmm8vxd33q0)) > - Parent: [[(2023-01-20) Practice Samatha and Vipassana]] - Q: How to deal with other "**worldly prisoners**" in the samsara? #prison - Vilas: you can not fix others, you can only fix yourself - @@@@ We **cannot reform other prisoners** — **if they want, they'll get reformed.** - How to get out of the prison? 1. Know that you're in a prison 2. Know that you had done offense to be in the prison (Eryu: raga, dvesha, moha, akusala) 3. Removed all offensive behaviors (so you don't come back in the future) 4. Get the knowledge of how being gets into and goes out of the prison (2nd vijja) - @@@@ **Mistake: How can we get other prisoners to join if we ourselves have not finished digging the tunnel and ==crossed over==!??** - Our mistake is that we usually celebrate too early.. (as soon as we know some Dhamma..) - Both of you are suffering -- one from trying to escape, one from trying to make it work in the prison - @@ The family members would feel that you're acting "smart" and will eventually come back to your senses. - @@@@ They would **ONLY get interested** if they see that you've **INDEED ACHIVED something**.. in that how free and happy you are. And only then they get really interested -- the **[[Chanda]]** arises. - Without which, **nothing can be done.** :) - @@ All family members and friends **are children** (who doesn't know Dhamma) - @@ If a child intends to go down (e.g. to apaya), no matter what **elevator** you offer him, he will **only press "down"!!** - Eryu: this is a **Prison with a hundred floors**!!! - @@ Vilas discussed the analogies in [[AN3.70 Uposathasutta]] - @@@@ **Your Sila is like a ==mirror==** (as [[Dhamma/Suttas/AN/AN3.70 Uposathasutta.md#^sila-uposatha]]) — Others can only see your accomplishment through **your conducts**!! - Eryu: e.g. you never get angry or agitated at anyone! - **Leaving the household** is a **double-edge sword** — you get more time for practice but also less tested by people. - @@ Vilas talked about how to decide to stay in a [[Gahapati|Lay Life]] or go off as a [[Monk|Recluse]] - If you can handle the lay life, stay. Lese, leave - Which way is **"faster"** depends on **one's mentality** - @@ Dhamma is very distored so you wouldn't know **which monastery to join**! #distortion - In Buddha's time there's only one school, but now there are hundreds of sectarian schools. - Also you cannot argue with the head teacher! - @@ Staying in family life working towards [[Anagami]] is the best option :) - It's the **safest option** :) - Vilas is organizing a 10-day #retreat with #Naveen and #Sachin :) - @@ Vilas: You'll see a **sea of change in 10 days** :) -